Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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