My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
