Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
