He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
