he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
