Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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