I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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