My brain says no but my pants say off.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize