i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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