just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
