you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
