I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
