member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
