I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
