the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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