don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
