i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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