i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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