Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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