Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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