Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
