I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
