I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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