I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
