Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
