and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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