Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
