thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
