mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
