forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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