allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize