I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
