Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
