he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
