Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize