if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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