And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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