Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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