dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
