Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
