My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
