Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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