dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
