went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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