ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
