So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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