The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Acid is not a monday night drug
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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