Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
