it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
