You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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