Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
