end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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