I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
being pregnant is like rehab
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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