i can't believe i had my finger in that
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
