Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
