East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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