weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
