when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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