the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
