We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sober January is a disaster.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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