If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
