I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
