This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
