Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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