I just threw up on my dentist
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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