I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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