I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize