K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
