am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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