Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
