Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
