do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize