I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
that is very illegal...i love you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
