i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
