Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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