He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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