Taylor Swift is so right about you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
