Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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